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Another Write on Edge writing challenge! This was a quick one!

For Friday, a short challenge. Below are three fairly generic passive phrases. Your goal is to make them active in a short scene, either fiction or non-fiction. You can choose one, two, or all three to play with, but you only have 100 words.

  1. [he/she/I] was devastated by […]
  2. [feeling] was experienced by […]
  3. [person/thing] was possessed by […]

Terror closed Alex’s throat every time he stepped in to the batter’s box.

He glanced at his coach and got his sign. He dug his feet in to the dirt, stamping down the fears and doubts, slicing up the worry with his cleats.

Check the knuckles, practice swing, take a deep breath. Bat up, eyes on the pitcher.

Thwack.

The crowd went wild, but Alex just ran, not looking for the ball, not hearing the words, just watching his coach windmilling his arms. He didn’t let himself think until his teammates met him at home plate.

Take that, fear.


This is only autobiographical in the sense that June means baseball. My first whack at this was about half again as long, and I would have liked to left in some of that, but 100 words is not very many! (In my original draft, the first pitch was a ball, and someone in the crowd chanted the inevitable “Good eye, good eye.” Trust me, I know all the chatter….).

Neither of my boys has hit a home run, but they have had some good hits in their last several games. On Tuesday, Joe was up to bat, hit a ground ball right between the first and second basemen and made it on base. Will was up to bat next.

He hit that ball in the SAME PLACE.

This entry was posted in Fiction.

8 comments

  1. bgildea says:

    An excellent rendering of a classic moment! Who hasn’t been there, either in the box feeling the worry, or watching the batter and wondering what are they thinking?!

    My concrit would be on the line “Alex experienced throat-closing terror”… yes, its active, but you still bump this up by making “terror” your subject: “Terror closed Alex’s throat..”

    My favorite line was “slicing up the worry with his cleats” – AWESOME. Fantastic word choice!

    🙂

  2. Angela (@angelaamman) says:

    You do a great job with the tension and getting into the boy’s head during the game. We’re baseball fans around here, and it was a lovely touch of summer.

    I noticed through the comments that you changed the subject to terror at the beginning, and I think it’s a great touch.

  3. Wisper says:

    Nice job! I think you did a wonderful job of illustrating such a familiar scene in a clear, relatable way and kept it active. It works well for me!

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